“Mummy issues” anyone? And no we’re not talking about the B-grade movie kind. 

Well…if it was a movie there would be fewer bandages on the mummy and more on the child, emotional mostly.

 When someone has “daddy issues” they usually respond by becoming a giant slut, searching for sexual acceptance from men as a means to replace a real father figure. I know many females like this, I can’t say I’m good friends with these kinds of women because they don’t have many girl friends, enough said. I feel incredibly sorry for these women because I had an awesome father and a really healthy relationship. 

 However, “mummy issues” are much worse because at least the “daddy issue” girls get laid!  *ba boom ching* 

 I’m lead to believe “mummy issues” happens when;

  A) you’re an unwanted child and constantly reminded that “I never wanted you” “I only had you because your father talked me out of the abortion” and “I just didn’t want to be a mother”  (Yes, she’s fucked up enough to say these things) 

B) when your mother has postnatal depression and never actually bonds with you 

C) Your mother is a narcissist and does not know how to love.

 D) all of the above. 

F) you. Because the answer is D. 

 In my sample study of ONE person, moi…I’ve concluded that when one has “mummy issues” you don’t become promiscuous at all, you have no desire whatsoever to sleep around. 

 Don’t get me wrong, you love sex, you can’t stop thinking about sex. You’re probably a bit of a perv, you’ve read and written some mind-blowing erotica, think porn is hilarious and you know a disturbing amount about sex, and when you have sex* you get a little bit addicted to it. You always end up a bit more dom than sub because the basis of this problem is you have trust issues.  

But you’ve been told all your life that you’re ugly or fat or just not good enough but you know it’s not true. Finally you’ve grown up and seen yourself for what you really are and accept that you got dealt a shit hand in the maternal department and move on. 

 The byproduct of this condition is your natural defense mechanism; you decide to have mile high standards for potential sexual or life partners so much so that you find you’d rather be alone than with someone inferior. You build up walls to see who actually cares enough to knock it down, and then rip your pants off.  

In a nutshell, you have a superiority inferiority complex.  

 * and you really need to get laid, cause it’s been 4 years already.